The Emperor of Russia

The Czar.

"I particularly longed to acquire the least trifle of notice from the big stormy mate, and I was on the alert for an opportunity to do him a service to that end. It came at last. The riotous pow-wow of setting a spar was going on down on the forecastle, and I went down there and stood around in the way--or mostly skipping out of it--till the mate suddenly roared a general order for somebody to bring him a capstan bar. I sprang to his side and said: 'Tell me where it is--I'll fetch it!' If a rag-picker had offered to do a diplomatic service for the Emperor of Russia, the monarch could not have been more astounded than the mate was. He even stopped swearing. He stood and stared down at me. It took him ten seconds to scrape his disjointed remains together again. Then he said impressively: 'Well, if this don't beat h--l!" and turned to his work with the air of a man who had been confronted with a problem too abstruse for solution."

Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi (1883).

Oculist

A doctor or surgeon who treats diseases and other problems with patients' eyes.

"It is observed by professed Oculists, that whereas all creatures have but foure muscles to turne their eyes round about, man hath a fifth to pull his eyes up to heaven."

Richard Brathwait, The English Gentleman (1630).

Master of Ceremonies

Someone who presides over or does the introductions for some theatrical performance or spectacle, such as a cabaret or circus.

“For example, George Bengalsky recovered and left the hospital after three months, but he was compelled to resign from his job at the Variety Theater, and that at the best time, when the public besieged the theater for tickets. The memory of black magic and its exposé was still too fresh. Bengalsky resigned from the theater, for he realized that it was too painful to face two thousand persons nightly and be subjected to inevitable recognition and a barrage of mocking questions as to whether he was happier with or without his head. Besides, the master of ceremonies had lost a good deal of his cheerful disposition, so necessary to a man of his profession. He was left with a troublesome and distressing habit of falling into a state of anxiety in the spring, when the moon was full, suddenly clutching at his neck, looking around fearfully, and crying. These fits were transitory. Nevertheless, they made it impossible for him to continue in his former occupation, and the master of ceremonies retired and went to live on his savings, which, according to his modest calculations, should last him for fifteen years.”

Mikhail Bulgakov, The Master and Margarita (1928-40).

Fireman

Paradoxically, both someone who sets fires and someone who puts them out.

"But here were several fine trials; among others several brought in for making it their trade to set houses on fire merely to get plunder; and all proved by two little boys, who did give so good account of particulars that I never heard children in my life."

Samuel Pepys, Diary (July 4, 1667).

Henry Miller on Business Magnates

A tycoon. An industrial potentate.

"I remember the old keeper of the ancient fortress at Nauplia. He had done twenty years in that same prison for murder. He was one of the most aristocratic beings I ever met. His face was positively radiant. The pittance on which he was trying to live would not keep a dog, his clothes were in tatters, his prospects were nil. He showed us a tiny patch of earth he had cleared near the rampart where he hoped next year to grow a few stalks of corn. If the government would give him about three cents more a day he would just about be able to pull through. He begged us, if we had any influence, to speak to one of the officials for him. He wasn't bitter, he wasn't malancholy, he wasn't morbid. He had killed a man in anger and he had done twenty years for it; he would do it again, he said, if the same situation arose. He had no remorse, no guilt. He was a marvellous old fellow, stout as an oak, gay , hearty, insouciant. Just three cents more a day and everything would be jake. That was all that was on his mind. I envy him. If I had my choice between being the president of a rubber tire company in America or the prison keeper of the old fortress at Nauplia I would prefer to be the prison keeper, even without the additional three cents. I would take the twenty years in jail too, as part of the bargain. I would prefer to be a murderer with a clear conscience, walking about in tatters and waiting for next year's crop of corn, than the president of the most successful industrial corporation in America. No business magnate ever wore such a benign and radiant expression as this miserable Greek. Of course there is this to remember--the Greek only killed one man, and that in righteous anger, whereas the successful American business man is murdering thousands of innocent men, women and children in his sleep every day of his life. Here nobody can have a clear conscience: we are all part of a vast interlocking murdering machine. There a murderer can look noble and saintly, even though he live like a dog."

Henry Miller, The Colossus of Maroussi (1941).

Duchess

A woman holding a position of nobility equal to that of a duke.

"After this she was given in charge to Sir Thomas Stanley, and began her eighteen years' imprisonment in one castle after another far from London and the scenes of her many triumphs. So 'Eleanor, lately called Duchess of Gloucester,' as she is henceforth styled, passes; and the manner of her passing, her pride and her high station made a great impression on all at the time. The chroniclers record the whole episode with unusual fullness, and a contemporary poem, The Lament of the Duchess of Gloucester, puts into verse what must have been the half-formed thoughts of many:

In worldly joy and worthynes

I was besette on every side;

Of Glowcestere I was duches,

Amonge alle women magnifyed.

As Lucifer felle down for pryde,

I felle from alle felycyté:

I hade no grace my self to gyde;

Alle women may be ware by me.

Farewelle, London, and have good day;

At thee I take my leve this tyde.

Farewelle, Grenwych, for ever and ay;

Farewelle, fayre places on Temmys syde;

Farewelle, alle welthe and the world so wide.

I am assigned where I shall be;

Under mens kepying I must abide.

Alle women may be ware by me.

Farewelle, my mynstrels, and all your songe,

That ofte hath made me for to daunce.

Farewelle; I wott I have done wronge;

And I wyte my mysgovernaunce.

Now I lyste nother to pryke nor praunce;

My pryde ys put to poverté.

Thus, both in Englond and in Fraunce,

Alle women may be ware by me.

Six Medieval Men & Women, "Henry, Duke of Gloucester," H. S. Bennett (1955).

Censor

The title of two magistrates in ancient Rome who drew up the register or census of the citizens, etc., and had the supervision of public morals; an official in some countries whose duty it is to inspect all books, journals, dramatic pieces, etc., before publication, to secure that they shall contain nothing immoral, heretical, or offensive to the government. (OED)

"Caesar, if you should chance to handle my book,

I hope that you'll relax the frowning look

That rules the world. Soldiers are free to mock

The triumphs of you emperors--there's no shame

In a general being made a laughing-stock.

I beg you, read my verses with the same

Face as you watch Latinus on the stage

Or Thymele the dancer. Harmless wit

You may, as Censor, reasonably permit:

My life is strict, however lax my page."

Martial, The Epigrams (85 AD).